When is my child most at risk of using substances?

As a parent, it’s important to understand and recognize that your kids may be at risk of using substances. You need to acknowledge that risk and set clear rules for your children – whether they are going to a party, a sleepover or hanging out with friends after school. As children move into their teenage years and make the necessary transitions into adulthood, they will face times when their risk of using drugs, tobacco and alcohol increases. In these times, your child will depend on you to help guide them in order to make the right decisions.

We know that as a child enters middle school and high school, they will be surrounded by older kids and peers who smoke, drink and use drugs. What once may have seemed like a disgusting habit to your child may now become more intriguing if they see the star athlete or head cheerleader experimenting. In schools, drugs can be easily available, and using might seem like a good option to kids when facing peer pressure and stress. Puberty is also a time of increased risk. Heightened anxiety/depression, the enticement of a risky experience, and the desire to be “cool” can all spark an interest in experimentation.

The good news is everything you do as a parent when your kids are growing up will benefit your child as they reach these key transitional times. Creating a foundation of communication, trust and support will let your kids know that you love them and will help to guide them towards right choices. Helping with homework, having dinner together, getting to know your child’s friends, talking openly about tough issues, being clear about rules and consequences, monitoring their whereabouts – these examples of parental engagement are great ways to stay involved in your kids’ lives during their formative years.

So tell us, how will you help prepare your kids for the pressures they’ll face in middle school or high school?

Do you need some help starting a discussion with your kids? Take a look at our conversation starters.

It’s important for parents to be hands-on in helping children navigate difficult situations that involve drugs and alcohol. We know that even schools that claim to be drug-free are rarely drug-free environments. We also know that peer pressure is a significant influence on whether children choose to experiment with substances.  So when they are exposed, there are several factors that distinguish the children who say yes from the children who say no. Your children need to be prepared for that moment when the offer comes and they need your help to do it.

Role-playing exercises are a good way to help children practice turning down an offer to drink, smoke or take drugs. You can take turns and have them try to pressure you into doing something dangerous too, which is a good way to model different ways to respond without sounding too preachy.

You should use different approaches when coaching boys and girls to turn down drug offers. Boys are likelier to be offered drugs at an earlier age than girls and in a public place such as a park, playground, or on the street. This means that it may be easier for a boy to walk away from the situation when it happens—but it may be harder for your son to avoid places where drug offers occur.

A friend may say: “C’mon, everyone will think we’re cool.” Coach your son to explain why doing drugs isn’t cool: “It’s addictive; it messes with your memory and intelligence; most kids aren’t doing it.” Another response that might feel comfortable to your son is suggesting an alternative activity—“No, thanks, I’d rather stay healthy, and pot makes you dumb and lazy. Let’s go shoot some hoops instead.”

When girls are offered cigarettes, alcohol or drugs, it’s more likely to be in a private setting, like at a friend’s house or when alone with an older boyfriend. Because it happens in an enclosed and intimate setting, it may be harder for your daughter to simply walk away or get out of the situation. Ask her to pretend her older boyfriend offers her a joint and says, “Want to try it? All the girls my age smoke marijuana, it’s no big deal.” You should acknowledge that saying no may be hard for your daughter because she wants her boyfriend to like her, but coming up with a response that makes her feel confident and comfortable ahead of time will take the pressure off.  Your daughter may also feel more comfortable simply saying no than debating whether drugs are a big deal. For example, she could practice saying, “No, thanks,” or “I can’t do that, my parents would kill me.”

Remember: it’s okay to encourage your child to use you as an excuse! Sometimes, when your child is uncomfortable with a situation, blaming Mom and Dad is the easiest way out for both your son and daughter.

Do you have some ideas for how to help teens say no? Let us know!

How do you become engaged in your kids’ lives without making them feel like you’re invading their space or interrogating them? How do you talk about substance use without it turning into a fight?

The first step is to build good communication early on by just talking to your kids openly and honestly whenever you have a chance. Your children will feel more comfortable talking about difficult issues if they are already comfortable talking to you openly about their regular lives. For conversation starter ideas, try these.

When the time does come to talk about drugs and alcohol, it’s important to know the facts and stick to them. There is no need to exaggerate, lie or try scare tactics. There is enough science, medicine and law on your side for you to make a convincing point of why substance use is not worth it.

The conversation about drugs and alcohol can begin with you bringing up the topic or with your kids asking a relevant question that can lead to a conversation. They might ask if you’ve ever done drugs or if they are allowed to go to an unsupervised party. This can lead the conversation to a broader talk about drugs and alcohol that will serve as a lesson without sounding like you are preaching. For more on how to handle your child asking if you did drugs, see our post here.

If you feel it’s time for you to bring it up, it’s important to ask the right questions and to be an active listener. Instead of lecturing about the dangers of smoking marijuana, you might ask this: ‘Why do you think someone your age would want to smoke marijuana?” or “What would you do if your best friend started using drugs?” Or another option is to use one of these 5 everyday examples to prompt the conversation about drugs and alcohol.

It might help you to know – year after year CASA Columbia’s surveys find that teens name drugs as their main concern. This shows that teens do want to know about drugs and alcohol and they do want to talk about it and get your guidance and advice on how to handle tough situations, even though they don’t always make it easy. So remember: be knowledgeable about the facts, be a good listener, ask open-ended questions, don’t interrupt and allow your child to express themselves freely.

Have you already talked to your kids about substance use?  If so, how did it go?

This is a question that many parents will come across when raising teenagers and it’s also one of the best things your child can ask you. It means: I’m opening the door for us to talk about drugs and alcohol and I value your opinion.

While there is no magic formula for how to answer this question, there is one important thing to remember: you can and should use your personal experiences as a teaching tool.

But before you disclose anything, find out why your child is asking the question. Maybe they’re wondering if it’s true what they hear from their friends, that “everyone experiments when they are younger” or maybe they want some advice on how to say no to peer pressure. By finding out what information your child wants to know, you can direct your response appropriately.

If you have never tried drugs and tell your child so, they may not believe you or question your authority on the consequences. If you tell them you have tried drugs, you may think your child will see this as a free pass to experiment themselves. To get the point across that drug use is never acceptable, it’s important to stress the negative effects of drug use, whether you experienced them first-hand or can recount them second-hand.

Another fact that will help to get your point across is that we know a lot more today about how harmful smoking, drinking and drug use is for teens than we did a generation ago. We know that from 1992 to 2006, there was a 175 percent jump in the potency of marijuana and that children and teens that begin drinking before age 15 are four times likelier to become alcohol dependent than those who do not drink before age 21.

Talking about drugs and alcohol is never easy and can feel overwhelming if you’re unsure what the “right” thing to say is. But remember: using your personal experiences, whether first hand or second hand, as a teaching tool and being aware of the current facts about drug and alcohol abuse will prepare you to talk to your kids if this question ever comes up. For more tips on how to talk to your kids about drugs and alcohol, click here.

Has your child ever asked you if you’ve done drugs? How did you reply, and how did the conversation go?

Why is it that teenagers seem to be so impulsive and so reckless at times? It’s because teenagers’ brains are still developing. The process of cognitive development that is responsible for our judgment, decision making and impulse control continues all the way until our mid-20s, when the human brain becomes fully formed.

Teens literally are not always able to control their impulses the way that adults can, which can lead to situations and decisions that put them and others at risk. Because their brains are still developing, adolescents lack some of the “wiring” that sends the brake or stop signals to the rest of the brain. Teenagers’ brains encourage them to take risks for fun, and they don’t perceive those risks as dangerous in the way that adult brains do.

For more science behind teen brain development, see The Partnership at Drug Free.org’s podcast “Understanding the Developing Teen Brain”.

So how can parents intervene in this natural maturing process and try to prevent their teens from making dangerous decisions? A big part is setting rules and boundaries and enforcing them. Also, a relationship based on trust, respect and honesty between parents and teens encourages teens to think twice before they engage in risky behaviors for fear of disappointing their parents. We know that one of the major reasons teens say they refrain from doing drugs is because of their parents. Teens really do care what their parents think of them, and generally don’t want to disappoint them: in CASA Columbia surveys we have asked children who do not smoke, drink, or use drugs “why?” They overwhelmingly have answered: “Because our parents would be extremely upset.”

Building that respect and trust is not always easy but it certainly pays off. How do you build openness, trust and respect with your teens?

Parents may think it’s a rite of passage for their kids to experiment with substances but research now shows that the earlier kids experiment, the worse the consequences and the more likely they are to become addicted.

Addiction is a complex brain disease that affects both the structure and function of the brain and like cancer, heart disease, or diabetes, addiction is rooted in genetics and affected by both psychological and environmental factors.

Adolescence is the most critical time for preventing substance abuse because the risk of addiction is greater than any other period. Why? The teen brain is primed to take risks – experimenting with drugs and alcohol being one of them – but because the brain is still developing, it is more vulnerable to the harmful effects of drugs and alcohol. Some teens are at even greater risk of becoming addicted to substances because of genetics, family history, trauma and mental health or behavioral problems.

Adolescents are at an increased risk of addiction if they have a family history of substance abuse, childhood experiences with abuse, neglect or other trauma, mental health disorders like anxiety and depression, low self-esteem, poor academic performance and problems with bullying in school.

If your child fits any of the criteria above, don’t panic!  That doesn’t mean they will automatically become addicted to substances. It just means it’s important for you to remain vigilant and engaged in your child’s life. The pathway from substance use to addiction is not set in stone – if a parent, teacher, or mentor can prevent or delay the onset of substance use – be it tobacco, alcohol, controlled prescription or other drugs – as long as possible, the child has a much higher chance of staying substance abuse-free their whole lives.

We know that a child who reaches age 21 without smoking, abusing alcohol or using drugs is virtually certain never to do so. We have an obligation to try to make this a reality for the children in our lives.

Do you suspect that your child may be experimenting with smoking, drinking or using drugs?  Learn how to spot the signs and symptoms here: http://casafamilyday.org/familyday/tools-you-can-use/signs-symptoms-and-prevention/

The debate about allowing your teen to drink at home is one that many parents may have to face. Being able to monitor and control underage drinking under one’s own roof may seem more appealing than the unknown – unsupervised parties, drinking and driving, fake ID’s and underage bars. And while serving alcohol at home to your teen and their friends might seem like the lesser of two evils, it’s also illegal in some states and there is no scientific evidence to support the idea that allowing children to drink at home will prevent them from binge drinking outside the home.

We know that children’s brains are not fully developed until their 20’s, and that there is no way of knowing whether or not an individual has a predisposition to become addicted to alcohol. We do know that for every year you’re able to postpone your child’s first use of alcohol, their risk of becoming dependent on alcohol goes down.

We also know this: teens who believe that their parents will not care if they are caught drinking are more likely to drink, binge drink and use other substances. Serving alcohol at home may send a message that underage drinking isn’t that serious when the opposite should be stressed. Whatever you decide is best for your child, it’s important to set clear limits about alcohol use and enforce the consequences, because at the end of the day, your teen really does want you to be a parent.

Tell us your thoughts on this issue: have you been faced with this situation?